School has started, and loomed into the 2nd week. Bringing in all the busy schedules and what nots.
Telling myself that GPA and CGPA is very important. It's hard to maintain and my grades ain't there yet. that's a bloody ass to worry about. I know i'll not end up in university.
Citi forex challenge this saturday.
AFP exam is coming next sunday, 8th Nov.

showed another side of me which I didn't really want to. But I think I should be honest and be fair to him too. A very soft side of me. He was taken aback for that very moment, as he's not rather used to it. haha.
I've been really happy over the past few weekends, spending quality time with him. And I meant it. Rare of me to do that.
Had pleasant surprises from K and it really made my day, more than a day I should say. It lasted rather long. Looking at the dino - idiot, I will just smile!
THANK YOU !!! :)

I'M very very BUSY. Called to work on certain days but I chose not too. I think I can't really cope at the moment. I need to organise my time once again.

and

Halloween's tomorrow!
TRICK OR TREAT?

Baby just came back from outfield. With that said, I've been feeling rather guilty that I will be partying for halloween
and he will be resting at home = I cannot spend time with him.
Was anticipating his text, and yes he did =). I made myself to stay up, and that's partly the reason. I slept about 12h for yesterday, having no classes on thursday is really bad. I can laze my whole day!
Shortly after he called :) , but it ended up with a :( .
boohoo.
It's like the first time ever, I felt utterly bad about this whole thing being in a relationship. I guessed what cheryl said was very true about me. As I told her that I will not club too often as my boyfriend don't really want me to, and she said 'since when were you ever controlled and you followed suit?'  However, for this relationship, it's so much different. Although there were bits of it that I'm still the same. I am much attached to this relationship and I'm chaging for the better. please agree so. LOLS.

I am feeling so,grrrr I have no idea.
I'm gonna go shop for my halloween costume or props or whatsoever such that I can turn up for the party being dressed up as agreed! I am so anticipating this!

on another note, i just received this: i lost the side of the bargain too, so I guess I shouldn't feel too bad afterall.

alright, wish me luck for the citi forex challenge and for my upcoming exam.

Guess I may not be able to see you this weekend. or even for next week?
that's really sad and bad.
Maybe I should start to miss you.
I did.

trying hard not to though.
:(:(;(


XOXO

guys are always very sweet and gentlemenly!

so at my work place, they're often so nice to me.
the F&B staffs will give me free whatever whenever possible.
the chefs - food. whatever that I asked.
how lucky I am.
and how unlucky I am - adding on weight/fats.

Anywhere I work at, I'll be treated well. Minus the unhappy stuffs about work and some issues here and there.
I'm treated much better by the gender: MALE.
Females, please learn from them.

I feel so loved all of a sudden.
I should share my love too!

I just heard some very shocking stuffs from someone.
ASS HOLE. I wonder who actually started the bloody whole thing.
so nice huh??

So...
I think I should disappear and not be spotted/found.

a game of pool later on.

xoxo
MONSTER

ps: video is rated with PG!
Parental Guidance.
This is not the official music video but it does show rather unappealing scenes for the young ones.
young kids or teenagers shouldn't be seeing this. hah!

rating: 4 monster bites
great catchy song.
listen to the lyrics. it's SO OMFG!

<3

this soldier can take pain anywhere else but definitely not the heart

yes, I did.

when you're loved by 2 persons at the same time.

it sets you to think.

there's only 1 choice.

choose.

What would happen if a tsunami really struck Singapore?


1) Fine for spitting anyhow would be lifted.
2) SMRT will go bankrupt because the tunnels would be flooded.
3) IR project would halt and a floating casino would be built instead.
4) River Taxis will go boom-town charlie.
5) ERP and CBD charges would be the least of our worries during peak hours.
6) Newater sales will go rocket high and will go IPO in 1 week.
7) Government will encourage people to give birth to more because of the increasing death toll.
8) Altivo will be the only club left in Singapore.
9) Cable car will extend its route to JB.
10) The little red dot representing the country will be even smaller on the World Map.

AMAZING!

I wonder if I make my choices according to categories and criterias.

I have became so materialistic and superficial towards how life should be lived. somehow.

It seems extremely bad.
when it comes to the matter of the heart.

I play the bad guy most of the time.
it sets me to think so much more ever since.

I came to find out just yesterday that K is rather IT savvy. 

On another note,  I totally forgot about the details of elaine's 18th party this sat.
All I know is I'm Russell's 'date' for that day.
I can't just disappear leaving him 'dateless'. haha
I need to plan and I gotta update my planner once again.

Sch's starting in like bloody 2 weeks.
I'm gonna be a busy workaholic + schoolofrenzy.

I gotta make time for that special K too.

time for a good rest from tonight, I hope.

I wonder what I just did.

What I said.

Wonder what the hell I'm thinking too.

ARSE!

It's so much of an emotional rollercoaster ride!

fuck!

BOOO!!!

I'm at my bf's place.

too lazy to update anything.

but OKTOBERFEST is a nice experience.

Fun. and that's it.

2 more days and it's over. and I can take a good rest.

I REALLY LOVE MY BF!
:D

CIAO


XOXO
MONSTER
=)

With Joseph telling me this, I'm so shocked.
So here it is! Vanessa Lam Xiu Ping wants to see this. tee hee hee.
You must be smiling like an idiot now when you see this. =)



I am surprised yet had a mix of feelings upon seeing this.
I didn't know what to do and how to reply - so i didn't.
Lost.
I should be overjoyed upon seeing this, but it came as why did he text this over suddenly?
I asked myself if I deserve to be treated well and to be loved by another.

Good friends around thanks for your concerns from texting and calling me.
Suresh and Baoying made me think through deeply.
To think that they can remember almost every single thing I told them. I'm very touched. I heart you guys.

'if you're so confused it definitely means you like him'.
Conflicting thoughts - many of them.
I wonder what's going through on my mind all the time, especially for periods like this.

I guess I need to wake up and face reality.

All I need is an honest answer for myself and to him too.

I a m  a  r e a l  h e a r t b r e a k e r ...

At that moment, I felt that I would lose you.
I said all that I had to.
I was prepared for everything and so I chose to be very honest in everything.
Heartbroken.
Yes.
Confused?
Very.
Hurt, in a way.
You, have made me fall for you gradually everyday.
I wish I could stop myself from doing so, but it seems like it's working the other way round.

Time.

Thanks for your understanding and I didn't mean to hurt you.
I guess it's too sudden and I'm just too hard on you.

Stayiing strong and putting up with it is what I should do.

Work hard monster.
Set your heart straight towards what you really want.

Regret - should have never appeared in your dictionary.

so, a masquerade.

all of a sudden, I felt the pressure, the uncertainties.
everything that came gushing over.

I don't wanna go another round of this again.

take me away...
 

Time check: 5.18am

Drove home at uber high speeds such that I can get home as soon as possible. With Martell running through my body. I didn't drink much, but yes, it's still alcohol, I can be charged.

St James was alright - club hopped from dragonfly to powerhouse then to mono where we drank, played some games and ate finger food. Had a nice time with my dearest, which I can't name. It's a her by the way. Been like 2 months since we partied together. I miss you too. Thanks for asking me out, which we took damn long to decide on where should we party. Because we want stuffs to be FOC - Free drinks, free entry via members who sign us in.
Stupid girl, left us with no pictures for the day :S
As promised, next month! yayness!

Girl chat and yes, I think we are often stucked somewhere with choices.
But as for me, it's worst.

I shall sleep now and maybe wake up for a better day.

rants again till then.

I've left disappointment behind. That's me.

Nights.

XOXO
Monster
=D

too many events that happened over the weekend till date.

1. many farewells for just my beloved girl. =)
2. sent her at the airport till she went into the departure gate. I was about to tear though, but I kept strong such that both joseph and her will not be too upset.
3. caught the last train down to watch The Ugly Truth! Recommended for no brainers, hilarious enough : 3.5/5
4. Cabbed down to Geylang to eat Frog Leg Porridge! It's my very first time savouring it. How sweet of K to peel the meat for me felt like some princess.
5. walked around the streets of geylang. looks scary and yes it is.
6. wanted to withdraw money, swipe cards for atm, master/visa, all of them can't work. A sudden system down. How weird.
7. packed my room thoroughly just for my new wardrobe, it's really huge and awesome! A superb design chosen by me. It's custom made by the way to suit my room and whatever that I want.
8. Met K again at Northpoint ytd after tuition as he told me he had sudden lights out. Am surprised =)
9. Dinner at Manhattan's Fish Market along with his best friend, Paul. Dinner was awesome - Seafood platter for 2 I think. We couldn't finish. What a waste!
10. shopped around Northpoint after that for his army stuffs.
11. Home sweet home, K gotta book in early.
12. today, went school for IS meeting and back with packing. Too tired for everything. DAHHHH.
13. Ass, supposed to be in town with russell but he was too tired to meet me. and he's not gonna accompany me to watch Kimi Raikkonen. Anyone, savvy?
This line sounds so familiar. hahaha.

That should be all.

Am glad to hear that V is doing well in London for the 3rd day, I bet she's still wandering around on foot, telling me that transport is freaking ex over there. It's really chilly and freezing her to death, so please put on more clothes till you look like a dumbass =)
Hear from you soon again, V!

from the day I'm with you, there were many firsts.
I wonder if you are really the one.
I don't wish to repeat history all over again.

I shouldn't have started that weird text on impulse.
Now I'm rather vexed on what I should do next.
Sand help me...
Anw, don't die in camp ok. You can endure your IPPT.

♥ ♥ ♥ :D

cheese!



blehhh



song dedication for <3



your smile that melted us. haha

beloved girl! you're loved by many of us...


This entry, brought back many enjoyable memories.
=D

I love you V! we all do. The presents do fit you well!

I just hung up the phone with K.
I guess I'm so gonna miss someone.

gotta sleep now, partly because I'm really worn out after the past few days of fun and very little sleep.
and also, I'm ordered to do so.

time check: 12:09am

tuck in with love..

XOXO
Monster :D

partied 2 times a week again. exhausted but not really. Amazingly, I have loads of energy to survive the night dancing all the way. Madness. Bumped into quite a few of my friends at phuture last night/this morning. Great! Had a fun time. And yes, more fun. The group was big but at least there were the few whom I know which made it much easier. I hope V enojyed her last party with all of us in Singapore. Was told I'm very popular for the night. -.- I'm not very popular anyway. Am glad that the girls and vincent helped me through the remaining half of the night, and I should thank vincent more. Unlike for V, kept groping me in public, gross!

I'm a heartbreaker. I don't care. Because I know I am gonna be a heartbreaker for many after. I'm always a heartbreaker, and a real bad one. Trust me.
So you shall be the first. You found out I'm attached by chance, then so be it. Stop texting in a way like as if I cheated your feelings. I could sort of recognise your number although my old nokia phone couldn't detect your other number. Using your spare number to text me - 'Congrats' :) at like what 5.50am? What a nice time you chose. Have you been spying on me? It's not the first time. You bring fear to my life I tell you. First it's zouk, then what some random place, now I'm attached you're so well informed too. With the fact that I didn't have anything that allows you to find out. You brought enough of misunderstandings in my past r/s which I ought to thank you because I really grew out of it, became fucking mature. Changed a hell lot. I would rather not see such a text, when you sound sacarstic so directly.

I shall admit. I used you totally. I played you. Because of your dumb fuck shit, I played my cards very well. It's because of you, I learnt the art of being a female casanova. hah! How great. My life changed tremendously because I hate the presence of you.
So, I know you've been referring to me in your blog. Let me tell you now then. 'I LOVE YOU SO MUCH'.. so that I don't wanna be with you. If you do happen to see this, please look at yourself. Please chuckle at how pathetic you are.

Cabbed home. FOC, thanks dude. Reached @ 5am. And yes, slept only at 545am.
Woke up at 710 and rushed to bathe and reported to work on time @ 8am.
And I'm still working now, it's very boring here, I finished watching Gossip Girl Season 3 Episode 1. <3
And am reading some investment magazine. I do enrich myself. lols

I have enough of all the shit, just stop messing my life.

Oh yes, on another note. I did extremely well for my 3rd semester. Which wasn't even expected, because I slacked that a lot and slept through my revision days, ending up with topics not even studied. So bad news - I gotta mug extremely hard just to do well and maintain my good grades again!!
This was how it was on the release of results ytd, which I subconsciously forgot about it.  I woke up seeing spams on my phone and was so not gonna read the NP sms to me. But I had to. Am so happy that I could share my joy with 2 of my lovely girls, Meryl and Vanessa. Was screaming like hell and I texted K at that very moment to share my effing happiness, but I think he only received all my messages like this morning(today). =(

At that moment, I thought you were rather angry for not telling you, but am glad it's not.

See you later K =)

It's a whole day of a whole day from yesterday. I had 10 hours of sleep in 2 days. not too bad, 5 each?
Night with K, slept. Woke up late, headed to town. Shopping spree with Van & Meryl. Tuition, then back to town again. Met K with the rest. He was too tired but am glad he made the effort despite that. Sort of heartache, but I'm just so happy to see him :).
Then dinner with the clique, but there was some disappointment. I do hope she makes the effort to make herself present tomorrow at timbre.
Spent a whole lot. I'm so not gonna buy anything already. I'm supposed to get a bag but have not found, am so into that MARC JACOBS though.

Moolah is so much needed. ;(
I am money crazy and that will still remain. W/o money we can't do anything, so I'm no exception.
Am gonna do some changes to my life. I am not living on my own now and I gotta constantly remind myself that.
A natural reaction should occur as how it should, but it didn't really do for me. I wonder too, I should trust what I am doing.

Stayed over at Meryl's after K sent me off. Bumped into my dad at the lift lobby. K said it was classic. -.-. Too shocked for that, but it wasn't that bad. Dad asked why he has no hair, which he does, but too short to be seen. LMAO.
So parents got a little ditzy making me so too. Shall officially introduce next time round. I would like to assure my parents that I am serious into all my r/s. Leaves no explanation for this too. All the others whom you all have seen are just my friends, good friends. There's nothing going on between me and them, it was also when I am single.

1 queen single sized bed slept by 3 girls. I so don't wanna cuddle V when she wants me to. Roamed around FB laughing at all the funnt what nots and looking back at how we girls were like 3-4 years ago?
V - FAT
M - not much of a change
ME - still as cute as ever, remembering all the pins. wahaha
HOW FUNNY! ;)

girl talk over the night lazing on the bed was nice. HTHT.
What do you like about your boys, how they are, what sweet stuffs they do, yadayada.
So, it set me to think what I really liked about K. dang.
Actually I'm rather confused.
I am still confused ever since his confession. What a place, but in zirca. -.-
And stuffs that happened before and after that.

True enough, I laid an unconquerable facade. K said he knew I was so totally not into him. I just don't want to see myself falling for anyone when I know I do. I tried to ignore and show no concerns about K. But I changed whatever that should not have happened.

I'm fortunate enough to meet really nice guy friends, who go all the way out for me, be it a friend or I don't know...
But there's this barrier preventing me from taking a step further than that. There's always this 'more than a friend thing' coming to me.
I ignored it. Taking that as like an accomplishment. It really boosted my ego. Somehow, I showed no affection to anyone but it seems that they do not get the idea, some did in a way but the others are living in a denial.

In serious fact, I don't know how to like another person, what more to say for love.
I told myself so honestly that I will never fall for any guy. Which I did. Guys came along the way, different personalities, background, maturity. I prevented myself from leading anything further. But it worked the other way instead. My actions brought about very bad misunderstandings. I should say, I am just myself doing anything just much more than a friend, but I ask for nothing in return. 
But, people expect something in return. Like, your love, your gratitude and acknowledgement.

I tried my very best to not lead on anymore. My replies were all meant as a friend, it's like straight at your face.
I don't reply your text very often. I take days, or give excuses. There's no confirmation of anything, although I'm alright to reply you as much as I want as a good friend. I wonder if you do get that hint and stop saying I'm living in denial. I'm sorry if I'm gonna hurt you later on, but the time's just not right.

Bloody shit. This is all making me so confused. Nothing's gonna change my decision.
Don't ask me any further.
I'm gonna be a heartbreaker.
I would rather do this now than later.

Never doubt. Told friends never.
I doubt! I start to. This is making a hell out of me.

I'm feeling so black and blue.

If you guys have never came into my life, and I am never confusing everyone including myself.
I wouldn't be feeling this shyt!

5 days and I miss you dearly.
I am very sure of that.



 

YES! MARC JACOBS!

ahhhh. Russell's mum totally didn't use it. Wonder why she bought it and kept it like a frame. lols.

I'm so into it. BUT.. I shall hunt for the others first.

I need a bag with quite a few compartments, not only like 1 huge one and another one for my phone and ipod. -.-.
I need to be organized!


alrights, I'm going out soon with K =)

AND SEE YOU GIRLS at Crystal Jade Holland Village @ 8pm sharp - DIM SUM BUFFET.

V - hopefully i'll be punctual enough to see you. haha!

oh yes, I'm gonna work for OKTOBERFEST! haha, daphne suggested I wear the costume and sell schnapps. lols, I'll die in heels lah!


xoxo
MONSTER
x)

Exhibition at the Arts House: The Dead Sea scroll was amazing. It's also the first time a guy had ever asked me to go to such arty-farty places. V and Sand was a little tad surprised when I told them.
Besides that point, it's the 12th of Sept today. :)
I am very sober, I couldn't get myself high for some bloody reason. I drank with Van and Jia ying but only they got high with some merlion in action. Guess I've set myself to something that I want.
Days before, met sand for a good talk, but somehow plans changed but we still had the quality time for a HTH talk.
He's so right that I'm afraid of starting a new life. Have gotten over my previous relationship with that 1 yr pact meant to keep myself mentally, emotionally sober. Succumbed certain periods during that time span and am glad that Sand was there almost 24/7 to 'rescue' me. Somehow, he did make me tear for the last time, sadly, I couldn't just cry. 
Was told not to keep emotions to myself, even for him, but failed. I do not want you to worry about me. I'm alright when alone. 

Sand: You're not an ordinary girl, and you're that someone whom nobody can ever replace.
Me: so Right! If I am, I wouldn't feel that I'm in some screwed position with problems hanging and running away from that denial. 
Sand: You're just special, and I'll help you whenever you need me.
Me: that's very touching, too bad, I'm sorta numbed! haha

Lying on the same old rock which we did 1 year ago. reminded me of how tragic I was.
I've grown out of it. Became much mature. Which then led to many weird encounters.
I'm sorry if I ever did send out wrong signals. I'm partially at fault, but you can't blame me totally. I've made it so clear that you people think it's just a cover of myself. If I were to, I will make it known like rather obvious.

I'm vexed after telling Russ and Sand.
Don't know anything, don't ask me.
I am true to myself I guess. Don't doubt me.


Zirca was just a normal night, with many friends of Jackson. Not something that I expected.
And it was then coupled with some interesting stuffs. hee hee.
I love Ding Tai Fung. The dinner was awesome, and simply because it's just the both of us.

Code of the day: 120909,0210.
I am happy with what I have now.
I really hope so.
Nothing will change my decision.



:D

ps: I'm not confusing readers' in this entry. there're no hidden stuffs between the lines.

Month of Sept is here and its about the end of the year. It sparks the good the bad, start and end of everything and anything.
365 days flew across just like how I wasted it. A year is about to cease, but the pain inflicted remains.

Time traveller's Wife was rather touching and sweet.
Zirca was alright, just a tad empty. Which also meant good news - sofa seats were available everywhere. and it's just a good place for the ambience. Finished the bottle K had the other time.
Sitting by the mouth/end of the singapore river, telling what nots brought back the memories I've left there.
Flu bug sets in but that didn't really spoil the wonderful night.
I wonder if this is the time that I should just leave my past behind and move on.
But from that moment, I realized that mess will take place.
Texted Sand. He replied hours later - 'Nice one'.

Confusion? or was I melted within.
Tell me more about it.
Unless I'm high from drinking cranberry and iced water?




I am just somebody in search of what's genuine to me.
Maybe it's the gem that I've struck.
If you are the one, maybe I should cling onto you just like the koala.




04/09/2009


Sept is said to be a very unauspicious month.
I guess it is time that I clear up the mess within me and ......

I am feeling uber terrible.
I shall get some sleep now.

PS:
W - you'll be fine, am sorry that I can't be right there for you now. but a phone call should help. Pain will go away.
S - I will see you tonight!
V - take care! Couldn't meet for supper! My voice is super sexaye? =)